Time for the Big Guns

I’ve been waiting for some inspiration to write this particular edition of my blog. I needed a few days to get the proper perspective. This day is what I’ve been waiting for, this news is what I’ve wanted to hear, and now the time has come and I’m nearly stunned. In sum, I saw Dr. Porter on Tuesday, and he said that my blood tests are good enough now to go ahead with my stem cell transplant.

When he told me the big news, I felt many conflicting emotions: happiness, fear, calm, anxiety, and hope. Happiness - that finally the time has come to advance in my treatment to the “big guns” that will give me the chance to be in remission. Fear – of the pain and discomfort I will surely have to endure, and of the possible complications of treatment. Calm – that everything is in God’s hands. Anxiety – for my son and husband and family and what this will entail for them. Hope – for a return to life as I previously knew it.

It was also sort of a shock, because I have (nearly) psychologically suppressed the seriousness of my disease in the ease of the last few months of treatment with Revlimid. I haven’t been in total denial, but I think I buried the emotional pain of this diagnosis in the daily routine of work and home, without significant sickness from chemotherapy. But that’s okay. They were good months, simply enjoying life with family and friends and the last of the good weather, even if there was a bit of denial involved!

So now the testing begins. Echocardiogram, complete skeletal survey, pulmonary function tests, many tubes of blood, etc. Once that is behind me, I will being the pre-transplant preparation of Neupogen shots to stimulate stem cell growth, insertion of a central line catheter, and apheresis of the stems cells, which are then frozen. When that phase is complete, I will go into the U. of Pennsylvania hospital and receive the high-dose melphalan chemotherapy that will essentially kill my bone marrow and all those evil plasma cells that are causing havoc in my body. Some people refer to it as “rebooting the hard drive.” Then I’ll get my stem cells back (thawed out, thank you very much!) and I’ll begin the process of regrowing new stem cells.

During this period of time, which may take about 3 weeks, I’ll be staying in the hospital. Dr. Porter feels that amyloidosis patients are at risk for kidney complications from the intensive chemotherapy, so he prefers to keep me in-patient until the stem cells begin to regrow. Although I would love to be at home, it is a one-hour drive to the hospital, which is not a fun ride when you are spiking a fever. It would also be a huge challenge to separate me from my son should he get a cold or the flu, so it may be for the best that I will be in the hospital. I think it will give my husband some peace of mind, too, in the event that I develop a problem. So that is how it will happen, and I'm at peace with it. The time frame is still a bit nebulous, but I hope it will all be done by Christmas. And what a gift that would be…to be home, with my family and my new clean cells!

It was a wonderful end to my "season of discontent" to have my brother, Bill, and sister-in-law, Pat, here visiting with us. As promised, we went to Ocean City and walked the boards, thoroughly enjoying one caloric disaster after another. We enjoyed the "world's best pizza" and even braved the blasting winds to walk along the shore for awhile. My son took home some huge shells (which he named Michelle and her kids) and many fun memories of rolling in the sand. That night we went to a party given by our close friends, Greg and Rebecca. Greg entertained us with live music performed by him and his daughters, his band, and then his very talented friend. Rebecca fed us so well, as usual, until we could eat no more! The next day we somehow found a renewed appetite and had a fabulous brunch at Zinc with our wonderful friends, Tim and Lisa and their beautiful daughter, and then enjoyed a few hours on the deck followed by the requisite (at my house) Italian dinner. I just hope that Bill and Pat enjoyed themselves as much as we did. Thank you so much for coming out to see us! And when are you coming back???

So, after a few lovely months of normalcy and the support of good friends, my challenge has come, and I'm ready for it; as ready as I'll ever be, I guess.  For those of you who want to know more about autologous stem cell transplants, I can think of no better resource than the blog of my friend, Cheryl. If you want to know in detail what this process entails, go to her blog and read the entries for June and July, which is when she went through her transplant. It is a remarkable summary, including photos!, of the trials and tribulations that she faced. Thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers for my health. With you and the grace of God, I will get through this and start a brand new life in 2011.

A Good Place To Be



Angelo's Farm Market has the best mums!



In my great reluctance to give up summer, I’ve yet to haul out the Halloween decorations. Subconsciously I must feel that I can keep cold weather at bay by denying the change of seasons. However, if I don’t get moving, Halloween will come and go! Hopefully this weekend we will get some pumpkins, mums, gourds, and all those other fun things for our house. The squirrels usually gnaw away on the pumpkins, and we have to throw them out by October 31st. Also, the deer that are in our woods sometimes eat the mums, so I can't get too excited (or attached) to these decorations. I’m not much of a Halloween person but I’ll do my best for my son’s sake, because like all American kids, he loves it! 

I’m still feeling good, but tired, by the end of my long work day. I have a checkup with Dr. Porter at the end of the month, so I will find out how the Revlimid is working by then. I don’t expect any big changes in my lab work or in his plans for me. I’m just cruising along right now, without much anxiety, stress, or discomfort. It is a good place to be. And it is nice to simply pass each day without thinking too much about medical problems. I know this easy time is growing short, so I've got to enjoy it while I can.

My brother and sister-in-law are coming to visit next week, and we are really looking forward to seeing them! It is a big event for me when my siblings fly out to NJ. I hope the weather is great and we get to do some fun things while they are here, including a trip to Cape May or Ocean City, perhaps? My son will want to bring them to Mack n' Manco's, which according to him has the best pizza in the world! And we will definitely have brunch or dinner (or both!) at our favorite, Zinc Café. Whatever we do, it will be great having them here to visit.

Enjoy your weekend, and get your pumpkins before it’s too late!  

P.S. Emily, we hope you will be feeling much better very soon!  : )