I dreamt that I was inside a house, standing by a door. When I opened the door to a twilight sky, I looked up a hill and saw two snarling jackals profiled in the dark, with glowing eyes and horrible fangs à la Disney’s Lion King, ready to attack. I quickly moved to slam and lock the door, but found out that the door wouldn’t close or lock, because it didn’t even touch the door jamb at all. In a panic, I held the door, waiting for the animals to hit it and break through, but it never happened. Then I woke up. First of all, I was surprised that I had kept the jackals out! I felt so pleased that I had succeeded. Then I realized that the jackals symbolize all those “bad” things that can happen, and the un-lockable, un-closable door is the door to my mind, out of which I can keep the bad things with willpower alone. I think it is true that we can't lock that door, but perhaps we can keep negativity “outside” if we try. (Thanks to Marjorie Educational Books for the perfect illustration of my nightmare, illustrated by Marjorie van Heerden!)
The jackals may have been caused by my multiple eye tests yesterday at Wills Eye Institute in Philadelphia. (Did you know that Wills Eye Institute, est. 1832, was the first hospital in the U.S. dedicated to eye health, and is rated #3 in the nation for the best eye hospitals.) I had one really wacky eye test, Optical Coherence Tomography (OCT), which had squiggly red lines and a pulsing blue circle to stare at for minutes on end. My brain felt scrambled afterwards. This test takes color photos and measures the pressure of the optic nerve, and is completely non-invasive. I had another test where I stared into a lighted sphere (for lack of a better word) with tiny points of light that pop up all around to test peripheral vision. After all this, the neuro-opthalmologist came to the conclusion that my swollen optic nerve is probably due to the on/off steroids treatment schedule. She said that once steroids are withdrawn, an after effect is that the optic nerve can swell. I sure hope the swelling goes away soon, so that I can get back to the serious business of fighting amyloid. But everything has an upside: I've lost 10 pounds this month. Those steroids can put on the water weight! ; )
