Midnight Books

Yippee, 90 degrees today! I wait all year for these fabulous, sunny hot days. I'm not a Leo for nothing. I need my sun and heat. Of course that means that I must keep watering those impatiens and new plants. (Which means that Fritz does it.)

Predictably, I had trouble sleeping again last night since I had another treatment yesterday of Velcade and Dexamethasone (start of Round 3). I hope this stuff is working! I'll find out the results next Tuesday. But I get a lot of reading done when this happens. I'm currently reading Midnight in Sicily, On Art, Food, History, Travel, and La Cosa Nostra by Peter Robb. This is strictly for serious Italo-philes. It is heavy on the La Cosa Nostra part, but extremely interesting and well written. I also recently finished Still Alice, by Lisa Genova; and I Was Told There'd Be Cake, by Sloane Crosley.  The first is a powerful tearjerker, a 30-tissue, sobbing, killer of a book about early-onset Alzheimers, to be discussed this very night at bookclub. The second is a funny and irreverent look at life as a 30-something New York single woman, with whom I have absolutely nothing in common, but about whom I still enjoyed reading. I'm just SOOO glad I'm not a single 30-something woman in NYC (sorry Stacy, but gosh the "men" are the pits!). What have you all been reading lately? Tell me!

So life with AL Amyloidosis goes on. Sometimes I'm surprised by how well we are handling it. I just want it to go away, but it won't do it on its own, so I've got to keep up the fight. I think once I get to the transplant stage, reality will be hitting me over the head with a baseball bat, but for now it is very manageable. The next treatment is on Friday, and then next week on Tuesday/Friday again. Say a prayer, please, that my test results are good next week. It is a little scary waiting. I HATE WAITING. Guess I'd better get used to it.

Lemon Meringue Pie

On my lunch break I went to Home Depot and bought some paint for my bedroom. I had a vision of a beautiful pale Robin’s Egg Blue, Caribbean Aqua, or some such thing. What I came out with was a gallon of Sand Pearl. As it turned out, the aqua blues looked horrendous next to my carpet color. So instead of walls the color of Caribbean water, I will have Caribbean beach-sand walls. I’ll get the blue in there some other way! 

Decorating is difficult for me. I have come to recognize my failings in it, which typically begin with the fact that I don’t envision what I have to work with, I just envision, period. Major mistake. My vision was of pale blue walls, painted white trim, wide-plank wood floors, an antique quilt in blue and cream, and a white iron headboard that definitely isn’t mine. What I actually have is stained woodwork and camel carpeting, with pine furniture that clashes with aqua. Once I saw Robin's Egg Blue next to that carpeting, the bubble burst. Awful. Back to reality. So I chose a creamy sand color, which will work very well with my new carpeting and my woodwork and my furniture and, for the time being, my black and cream toile fabrics.

Which all gets to my point at hand (I hope you knew I would have a point). Sometimes you have to do the best you can with what you have. I’m no saint. This Day By Day stuff can get a bit tedious. More than tedious, it can be totally frustrating. It may be my life's philosophy, but it isn’t always a great big piece of lemon meringue pie. Sometimes it is only lemons. Sour. Spitting out seeds, too. But eventually, you do get a piece of pie, and things look a little better. So I’m going to make it work. My life as Lemon Meringue Pie. My sandy-beachy bedroom décor. It will all work out. It just takes compromise and a willingness to change your vision. Enjoy your weekend; it should be a beauty. Bake a pie.

Derelict Blogger

I admit to being blog delinquent. Blog-glectful. A derelict blogger. I admit it wasn’t the easiest of weeks. Dog-tiredness and jalapeno-stomach got me down. But I’m baaack!

I took a three-hour nap last Friday and then went to a lovely, thoughtful, and joyful wedding. It was so nice to see such a blissful bride and groom and their smiling parents. We enjoyed every last thing about that wedding---from the happy participants, delicious food, right down to the spectacular flowers by our incredibly talented cousin, Gina. Shameless plug: if you ever need floral arrangements for an event, please call me and get Gina’s number. She truly does beautiful work.

I’ve been reading a lot in the past week, and I must write about these books soon. But for now, I’ve got to rest. I’m home from work today with a sore throat, which I’m hoping will pass quickly. This is my off week from chemo, and I’m so relieved to have some time to recuperate. Taking it Day by Day…today is n’on che male…not too bad.

In the meantime, for those who love to collect recipes or at least enjoy reading them, check out a very good blogspot at http://mennonitegirlscancook.blogspot.com/
Browse through some of the amazing recipes categorized in the right column. These are classic American recipes with a couple of inspired twists. And if you link to any one of the co-contributors, they also have great blogspots, with their own terrific website recommendations. This could go on and on; linking, linking, linking all day long!

Happy Mother's Day

I hope that all my family and friends had a lovely Mother's Day. My husband and son and I celebrated at a very nice local restaurant with my mother- and father-in-law. I can't eat very much, for some reason, but I enjoyed everything.  My son ate so much, even I was amazed (2 pieces of bread, big bowl of pasta, 4 pieces of pizza bread, 1 piece of key lime pie, and half of another piece!). Where on earth does he put it?  But we had a nice time and I really appreciated being spoiled for the day.

If you get the chance, please visit the link at the top of the page to my favorite cause, Life2Orphans.

I had another Velcade/dexamethasone treatment today, and it went very well. Dr. Berk prescribed Nexxium for my stomach issues, so I am very hopeful that it will alleviate those awful pains. Friday is a family wedding, and I want to be able to enjoy myself a little! That's about it for today. Enjoy the sunshine.

Pazzo

One of my all time favorite books is Under The Tuscan Sun, by Frances Mayes. Ms. Mayes has written several other books that have followed her enormously successful memoir, but the first is still the best. I think it is due to the fact that in the first book, she was writing quite poetically about falling in love with Tuscany and her new town, Cortona. The other books are a continuation of that love and poetic observations of life in Italy, but to me, her incredible publishing success seems to have gotten in the way of her original goal, which was to immerse herself in the Tuscan lifestyle via the restoration of her villa in Cortona. What she professed to love most about living in Tuscany---the simplicity, the rhythym of life in tune with the seasons, the dependability of family and neighbors---is exactly what her ambitions seem to be preventing her from enjoying.

Frances Mayes is a phenomenal writer. She can write about food, furniture, or flowers in the most interesting and amazing ways. She can describe the beauty and sensuality of the Tuscan countryside like no other. She finds the joy and beauty and essence in that lifestyle and can distill it into an understandable form. With her great success, she was able to leave her job as a professor in San Francisco, where she and her husband also live, and become a full time writer. She often complained about the hectic life she had as a professor, so I am sure that was a good thing for her to do.

But what does she do with the newfound fame and fortune? Does she retire to the Tuscan countryside to embrace this lifestyle she values and promotes? NO. She gets involved in buying and restoring yet another property in Tuscany, this one even more ambitious, she acquires more land to increase their olive oil business, she continues to add more and more changes/furniture/gardens/etc to her current villa, she develops a furniture line for Drexel Heritage, she continues to write, and she does more and more and more. She acquires more stuff and more "friends" and more responsibilities. And, get this, she comments on how busy her life now is in Tuscany. I sound like I'm criticizing her choices, but I'm not; I'm simply baffled by them. Why is she doing this to herself? How could she forget why she fell in love with the Tuscan lifestyle? I am certain that there isn't one typical Tuscan who would ever live the way she does. They would think she's pazzo, crazy.

This begs the question for all of us: why do we do these things to ourselves? Why do we let our ambitions interfere with living life? Perhaps Ms. Mayes' love of restoration, and all the other things she does, is the way she wants to live.  But if it makes you crazy, as she often says it does, with all the stress and phone calls and time issues, then why do it? Why not say, how lucky am I to be able to sit back and enjoy my life in a beautiful villa in Tuscany and an equally gorgeous home in San Francisco, [oops, just found out after posting this that she now lives in South Carolina and sold her house in SF] with no money worries, no need to work, no need to juggle my time between work and pleasure. How lucky is she to have the opportunity to live a life of relaxation and enjoyment of family and real friends. And she's letting it pass her by.

When I realized how sick I was, one of the first things I thought of was how the only place I wanted to be was at home with my husband and son. I didn't think, gee, I'm going to take a trip around the world in case I don't live much longer. I realized quite clearly that when you get down to the nitty gritty, its the everyday simple things that make life wonderful.  I know this is obvious stuff. Basic stuff. But when ambitions, no matter how big or small, start to interfere with basic home life, we've got to take a step back and reevaluate.  I know I have to do this, even now.

So, as for my medical progress, no big developments. Another treatment yesterday, and another step closer to my goal of beating this alien in my blood. Living with my disease is akin to the daily changes in your body while pregnant, without the joy. Every day your body is changing. Ankles bigger or smaller; stomach hurting or not; headache and blurry vision; or, blessedly, sometimes just feeling almost normal. That is how I live now, so I try to ignore the discomforts as much as possible. Enjoy your weekend Under The Tuscan Sun, and enjoy your family and friends. They are the best part of life!

When You're Strange

Amyloidosis is such a strange disease. Dr. Porter calls it “nasty,” and I guess it is. But the really strange thing about it is that the medical community can’t even decide whether it is cancer or not. Several of you have asked me that very question, and I have had to give the strange but true answer: no one can agree. One doctor says unequivocally that it is cancer. The Mayo Clinic, no less, says it is not cancer. The medical community is decidedly undecided. Another doctor said that an argument can be made both ways, but in the end it is all semantics. Okay, I can see that. The point is that it is treated like cancer, with chemotherapy, so there you go. But I never know what to call it.

The other strange thing about this disease is that no one knows much about it. It is not on any forms, even at the hematologist’s office. So they either have to write it in, or they have to use the code for myeloma, which it is not. Amyloidosis is what is referred to as an “orphan disease." It doesn’t feel good when, as I did, you call up to make an appointment with a nephrologist, and the assistant says: “What is that disease? How do you spell that? It is not on my form. I don’t think she will see you with that disease because it is not kidney related. I don’t know what to put down. I’ll just have to talk to her to see if she will even see you, and then call you back.” As I related this conversation to my laughing sister, I said, not only will the doctor see me, oh yes!, but she will put me on her curriculum vitae. Well, maybe not. And so it goes.

So I and my orphan disease continue to be treated with Velcade. I just started the second course yesterday, with no adverse effects except a bruised hand and some inflamed veins. Dr. Berk will retest my light chains and all that other big time blood stuff at the end of the month to see if we are getting any results. I know one thing: my platelets are low, because I rubbed my eyes that were itching from pollen, and I developed huge bruises on my eyelids. I looked like I broke my nose or something! Awful. And no makeup can really cover it, either. Lesson learned: keep hands away from eyes at all times.

I feel great right now, so I am savoring today, and it is a beautiful day, too. Tomorrow may be a little harder in terms of fatigue, but today I’m feeling fine. I have lots and lots of books to read if I can’t sleep tonight, so that is good. I enjoy reading so much that I almost don’t mind the lack of sleep. Enjoy your today, too.

May 1st – The First Day of Summer?

This weekend is going to be hot! A predicted 89 degrees ought to sprout anything left in the ground, which isn’t much. I’m going shopping Saturday at our local nurseries with my friend Lisa, who has willingly (!) taken on the difficult task of figuring out which landscaping plants would look good in front of my house. Lisa and Tim’s house is gorgeously landscaped with the most interesting trees, shrubs and plants. I’m certain that her talented aesthetic eye can figure out what will work. We seem to have developed some bare spots out front from the tons of snow that crushed and maimed bushes, and the rest is just chaos, so she will attempt to find some plants that can accent it yet not become another item on the salad bar for the deer.

I’m happy to report that I feel great. It is nice to be back to “normal” for awhile. All the stomach discomfort is gone, and I’m not tired any more. Maybe it is the Yogi Immune Support tea with astragalus that I’ve been drinking? If you have a chance, read about astragalus, an interesting Chinese root. This website at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, http://www.mskcc.org/mskcc/html/11570.cfm, has a search directory (you have to accept a disclaimer to use it) for herbs, botanicals, and other products. It is very interesting; a scientific/medical view of herbs and botanicals.  I’m especially interested in the immune effects of astragalus, which is used in Chinese medicine in conjunction with Western chemotherapy to mitigate its side effects. It will be interesting to see what my blood counts look like on Monday.

For those of you who had trouble signing up to receive my blog, I’ve added a tool at the top of the sideboard that should help. I’m trying to learn all about this techie stuff, or it will leave me in the dust of the last century. I may be the last remaining person in the U.S. who hasn’t yet joined Facebook, but I’m learning all the time. I believe that is my true calling, a professional student. Have a wonderful weekend, and get out those flip-flops.

The Quest

In literary criticism, there is a method to interpret stories by using archetypes. In my book club, when I’m being pedantic instead of having fun, I’ve sometimes talked about the “quest” archetype, which is typically about a young man who goes on a quest to find his destiny, a treasure, or true purpose in life; or to slay a dragon and save the town, or something similar. Along the way, he will find a wise person or guide, an evil entity, a beautiful maiden, and a seemingly insurmountable challenge. In the end, the protagonist learns a lot about himself during his difficult journey to his goal.

I read a book last week called The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. It is a classic quest archetype written like a wise fable. I loved this little book, and I highly recommend it to everyone. It contains simple, sweet insights about being true to yourself and your innermost dreams, open to God’s guidance through signs in your life, and simply, in the end, never giving up.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself," the alchemist replies. "And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

I know for certain that I “accidentally” found this book so that I would have its calm wisdom to remember and draw upon. Please consider reading it. And by the way, it would make a great gift for a graduate.

Back to the trenches. Okay, I’ll admit it wasn’t the best weekend ever. The Velcade is definitely doing something. The first thing that it is doing is making me feel like I ate 100 jalapenos, all at once, with a Crystal hot sauce chaser. Let’s hope that is a good sign! For those AL Amy patients out there, prepare to have a stomach ache, lethargy, and a buzzing head every two to three days after treatment. Other than that, no problem! You have to laugh, because being miserable doesn’t help anything. Despite it all, it was a good weekend, and I received a gift of delicious roasted potato leek soup from my beautiful friend, Rebecca. Life is great, and my friends and family are even better.

Earthquakes

The beautiful weather today brought to mind a lovely morning that I spent with Sally in the Piazza del Duomo in L’Aquila, Abruzzo, Italy, in May of 1998. L’Aquila is a gorgeous medieval city surrounded by the Apennine Mountains, full of astounding sights to see.  The air was crisp and cool, and Sally and I wandered throughout the morning market, enjoying our espresso and pastries, soaking up the sunshine and the surprisingly sophisticated yet small-town feel of that city. How can I express the appeal of a spring market day in Italy? Everywhere you look, you see color, color, color: tomatoes, geraniums, bright clothing, umbrellas of every hue, all against a bright blue sky and white-tipped mountains. It was so fun, so vivid, and so beautifully memorable.

Life in L'Aquila changed forever on April 6, 2009, after a destructive earthquake hit. To this day, L’Aquila still stands in shambles. It hurts me to think of it that way. I often wonder if any of the shopkeepers I met were hurt or killed in the earthquake. The masterpiece 13th century church of  Santa Maria Di Colemaggio, the very first church I saw in L’Aquila, was nearly totally destroyed. Chiesa Santa Maria del Suffragio, built in 1713, is situated in the market piazza where I watched swallows swoop in and out of the latticed dome. That same dome split down the side, a huge hole exposing the interior of the church to the elements.

Death and destruction is difficult to reconcile with such a lovely and tranquil place. I hope that someday they will reconstruct the historical center, but the citizens have given up hope that the government will do it for them. Last I read, they were forming volunteer bucket brigades to remove debris from within the medieval walls, which should make them see progress and feel more in control of their lives. Together, with their bonds of community and friendship, they will clear the debris and reclaim their city.

As we all know, life can change in an instant.  I think of my own footsteps treading that fragile fault line in L’Aquila. Most of the time, we walk the fault lines and nothing happens. Year after year, nothing out of the ordinary is likely to occur. You must think that way, rather than worry about the earthquake that might come. Why waste a gorgeous market day?

So, I’ve finished my first course with Velcade and dexamethasone. It wasn’t bad at all, not one bit, even without the anti-nausea medicine! I’m very thankful for that, and for my very excellent medical care. I’ve failed to mention my primary hematologist, Dr. Seth Berk, (Yes, Jen and Dave, Berk!) who I’m so fortunate to have take care of me. He’s a compassionate doctor at the top of his game, a grad/intern of Columbia U./Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital, who completed his residency at U. of Chicago.  Although I’m feeling tired today, tomorrow I can sleep in and rest up. Enjoy your weekend, my family and friends, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your kind words, loving thoughts, offers of help, and prayers. You are our bucket brigade!

Fog to Sun

As I drove to work this morning, enjoying music instead of commercials with my new Sirius satellite radio (thanks to my wonderful husband), I passed through some heavy fog, especially near the blueberry fields. I like fog, because it changes the landscape so much. Trees look mysterious, the terrain is shrouded with mist, and everything has a magical, mystical quality. Suddenly, as I passed a large lake, the fog dissipated and sunshine poured out of the sky onto the sparkling water. Everything came sharply into focus. It was a great moment, making my long drive truly enjoyable.

Predictably, the steroids kept me awake throughout book club last night, and beyond! At least I’m getting a lot of reading done. But I feel fine, just with my usual rosy Thursday face. Tomorrow is my last treatment till May 3rd, and this time we will try it without the anti-nausea drug, Aloxi. I’m hopeful we can eliminate that. I’m a less-is-more type of person, so I prefer to use as little medication as possible. I’ll let you know how it goes. (Keep your fingers crossed.)

I want to increase my repertoire of vegetarian dishes, so please email me with your favorite entrée. I would greatly appreciate it! I need protein, but I also have to keep my cholesterol down, so eliminating animal protein will help a lot. Also, if you have a favorite no-salt food flavoring, I would love to hear about it.

I’ve added a few new links to my page that allow those interested to read more about my doctor, David Porter, at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, and the Abrahmson Cancer Center; also, Boston Medical Center, where ASCT (autologous stem cell transplant) for amyloidosis was first performed and continues to be perfected; my favorite blogs; and more amyloidosis info. While reading the scary stuff, just keep this in mind: my sister, Karen, predicts that I will be the poster child for AL Amy remission! Thanks, Karen. : )

All That Glitters...

I had another treatment yesterday, and it went very well. Since Velcade is not your normal napalm, burn-and-blast-everything-in-its-path-type chemo drug, I like to think of it as my own personal PacMan in my bloodstream, cheerily chomping up plasma cells. I do believe there is some benefit to be had from directed imagery, where you think of the medicine going in your body and having beneficial effects. So I picture "glittering" Velcade sliding through my dark veins, chomping on those lurking plasma cells. I guess it is working as my counts are starting to go down. Something is happening, that is for sure.  Now, if only I can find a seat in church where no one will cough on me! But I feel so well, that I practically feel guilty. Other people get so exhausted, so I'm very appreciative that I get such an easy treatment (for now).  This drug is so sophisticated that it is hard to explain how it works. Perhaps I can prevail on my good friend, Tim, a scientist, to give me an explanation in layman's terms for apoptosis? Then I'll post it for you all.  It is way more amazing than flying to the moon!

I just finished reading an inspiring story written by a 16-year and counting AL Amyloidosis survivor (http://sites.google.com/site/curedofamy/Home).  He was in congestive heart failure, very bad shape, and had a peripheral blood stem cell transplant in 1994! He was the 2nd patient known to have this done for amyloidosis. An amazing and inspiring story. This guy has more guts and gumption than any ten people you know.  I hope some of that has rubbed off on me. He has strengthened my certainty that I will do really well with this treatment. Do you know that many people don't get the proper diagnosis of AL Amy for over 2 years? It took my great docs only 3 months. That is going to make all the difference.

I have my book club tonight, and I hope that I can stay awake for it, since the Decadron woke me at 3:30 am. A small price to pay. More treatment on Friday, and then I get one week off for my counts to come back up. I actually look forward to the treatments, as I know I am making progress. And it doesn't hurt that my doctor's office spoils their patients with coffee, juices, breakfast treats and even hoagies for those with strong stomachs! If I stay on these steriods much longer around all that food, I'm going to have to buy some PLUS sizes.  ; )   Later.

Hiking Your Path

I just finished reading A Walk In the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail, by Bill Bryson.  It is a wonderful nonfiction travel book about ecology, biology, geology, history, and human nature; by turns educational and laugh-out-loud hilarious.  Bryson's original plan was to hike the entire length of the Appalachian Trail, well over 2,000 miles, from Georgia to uppermost Maine.

In the end, he doesn't hike much more than 840 miles of it.  However, as he notes, that is a farther distance than New York to Chicago; certainly nothing to disparage!  And just think: he and his friend hiked that distance in rough terrain and bad weather with a 40-pound pack on their backs.  So, his plan was one thing, his accomplishment quite another; all of which was affected and altered by physical and mental constraints and other unexpected problems.

We all have plans, sometimes vague or specific for our lives.  We expect to see our children grow up; we expect them to be happy, educated and successful.  We expect to save the perfect amount of money with which to enjoy and take care of ourselves; and eventually, with lovely silver hair and riding trail bikes on the beach---isn't that how the commercials show it?---we expect to retire with smile on our ever-so-slightly wrinkled faces turned into the sunset. 

But as Bryson finds out, and I as well, sometimes the path you expect becomes rough or impassable.  Sometimes those obstructions will change your direction, your plan, and perhaps that sunset photo finish.  That is when we must rethink and reroute our expectations.  This brings to mind a saying, although unattributable, that has resonance for me: "Life is a series of dynamic changes.  Resisting those changes will bring only sorrow."

Bryson had to change his plans when unexpected snow fell in Georgia, when terrain proved to be insurmountable, and when his hiking partner was lost in the wilderness overnight.  But he still accomplished so much!  I'll admit it, I have always thought too much about the future.  I'm still quite hopeful that my plans won't change too much, although they have a different feeling to them now.  Perhaps that feeling is the fragility of life and our wispy future plans.  But I'm not thinking about plans and trails now.  I'm truly taking it Day by Day.  It's lovely outside, sunny and bright.  Make the most of it.  Happy trails to you all.

Changing My Life, One Drip at A Time

Today I received the second treatment of Velcade and Decadron. So far, so good. No nausea, due to the diligence of my doctor's office in giving fluids and Aloxi. I did get a particularly bright red face yesterday from the Decadron, just in time for an important meeting at work.  Naturally!  I had to meet several people from out of town, and I guess they figured I was either very hot, very flustered, or sunburned.  Also, I couldn't sleep much the previous night due to the steroids, so I was cruising through the day on 3.5 hours, definitely not my usual sleep standard. However, I managed to get through the day just fine. It is amazing...after all the anticipation of side effects, especially nausea, I have to say that I'm really surprised and happy that I feel so well.  I know that this may change drastically once my counts go down, but for now, I feel great. And I'm so very pleased that my new haircut won't fall out next week.  ; )

My good friend, Debbie M., a pediatric oncology nurse (A.K.A. SAINT) told me to take it just one day at a time. If you think that is just a cliche, try it sometime.  It is the best advice to receive.  So, thank you Deb, that's exactly what I'm doing.  I'm thankful for today, because the sun was shining, I received my treatment, and I'm able to come to work as well.  There are people at the hospital that I've met who have terrible metastasized cancer, or who feel so exhausted. I think of them and realize that although my disease is a bad one, there is always someone who has it worse.

On that note, my friends and family,  happy Friday, enjoy your weekend, and be sure to thank God for your good health. Bill and Pat, have a great vacation!

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Full Disclosure:

This blog is for my family and friends. It will be very boring for anyone else. I'm not trendy, stylish, or particularly accomplished; therefore, anyone who doesn't know me won't care about what I write.


I have created this information portal for the people that I care about so that they can keep posted on my life without having to call or email. Everybody is busy these days. You may not like to make phone calls. It can be difficult with regional time differences, too. So this is for you, and I hope it is helpful.

This is also for anyone out there who is going through treatment for AL Amyloidosis. It has been so helpful to me to read about other people who have their own travails with this disease, so now it is time for me to give back, too. For what it is worth, I hope it helps.

Tuesday, April 13th: The First Day of the Rest of My Life

The day has finally come. I started treatment (sounds SO much better than chemo, right?) for AL Amyloidosis today at my hematologist/oncologist's practice in a local hospital.  I received Velcade and Decadron, and an anti-nausea drug, Aloxi. I feel perfectly fine. Actually, I think the Decadron gave me lots of energy as I was busy all day and never felt tired. I had to stay up late and read since I wasn't tired at all. I just know I will have to pay for this later in the week!

Hopefully the Velcade will knock the heck out of the plasma cells, and get me on my way to normalcy, whatever that is for my future.  So why do I feel so cheerful about this? I guess it is that I am finally DOING something, instead of waiting for endless tests and consultations. There is nothing worse for me than just waiting and doing nothing about the disease progression. I felt that every day wasted was spent getting sicker. So now...on to progress and healing. No more waiting to get better. I AM getting better, right this very minute.